Leaving and Leaving for Good. :)

Actually guys, 

I won't be back to blogging until January. As long as I'm in my home country, I'm planning not to use any type of social media, and minimize my internet use to absolute necessity.

I'm not here yet, but ya... :) I will miss the blogging, and I will be back more refreshed, more happy, more to offer. Perhaps I might even share my pictures with you here.

Love,

Inès

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So I totally lied about not coming back here until the New Year. I just want to say... I might have a crush on my best friend. Maybe it's love?!? Oh mon dieu... I was just talking to him via on-line chat, and I just felt like my heart was overflown with happiness.
I smile when he talks to me first. I overtype, while he sends moderate texts. Oh, what have I done?
Now I'm thinking of all these things that I can do/buy/send him while I visit the country.
One thing is for sure: I really, truly care about him.
What is this feeling that I feel like I've been suppressing on for the longest time? Yeah sure, we have been friends since grade 9. So... is that about 8 years now? Wow, time flies!
I have no idea if my head is working properly right now... is this what you would call a 'true love'?

Seems like I'm being punished now. It's a reverse act of love, if this is my true love.
My best friend liked me about three, four years ago, and had the guts to tell me that he liked me. And I was a cold-hearted girl (haha.. yeah I know it's simplified, since I cannot say I was a cold-hearted b****, I don't want my younger readers to read inappropriate words...), and I acted so cruelly to my tender-hearted friend...
I cannot even ask him to forgive me for my stupid behaviours. But I do wish I can start over with him. At least, could he forget all my badness and seriously look at me as a 'girl,' not just as a friend?

He has a girlfriend, and I cannot ask him to choose me over her...
But... if he becomes single one day, could I ask him to be with me?
I have nothing to offer at the moment right now, but hopefully I can become a better person in the near future. That means my attitude has to change first. 

I hope my heart could somehow be readable to him. I hope that he sees in me the pure, innocent love for him.

Until we meet after all these years that we have never met, I will always pray for the happiness and good health for him.

Au revoir,

Inès

How to Stop My Bad Mood Cycle?

Before I begin writing this blog post, I have to admit: My title seems legitimately like a random google search title. Seriously. Haha, but this is what I truly want to talk about!

These days, I know, and am sure, people are struggling with their own lives. To make the most out of it. Or perhaps you are searching for your inner dreams and soul. Whatever the reason is, you came far to search this and reading this blog.

Sometimes, I am hurt inside too much. I think to myself, how am I bearing it all? Honestly, being in the 20s sucks. Don't you think so? But then I thought, well in my 30s and 40s, I'd probably feel more awful. You know why? Because my people relationships are going down. I'm in a bad mood. 

Yeah, hence, the title, how to stop this cycle and escape from reality, or rather my own miserable life?

Sometime, I envy those with perfect teeth, perfect face, or perfect brains; sometimes, a perfect personality. It is all relative to you - what you don't have is what you envy of others.

So I thought. Well, simply I can quit this life. And then the second after, I think I have had too much alcohol, and listened to too many sad songs. I cannot believe myself to be sick, and I don't think I am. I am a normal human being. Facebook legitimately makes me feel bad when I am not happy. It shows and carries happy and sad life events of my friends (or whoever else that shows up on my newsfeed), and it really, really makes me sad. Why? no matter what occasion, I am sad that I cannot be a part of it - what seems so stupid and small, I'd still be jealous of them.

So I am going to promise myself to stop looking at these news. All these news about celebrity, too. Do I actually care that whoever dated the other or cheated on someone else, really affects my real life? To be more concise, they don't care about me as much as I do about their lives - so why bother?

Only a week left till I leave this miserable place, but is it really the location that I am in that makes me in a bad mood? Or, my family? friends? To think it over, I think I just lost another friendship - and thinking about that person really pisses me off. Hence, I won't talk about him.

Good night to you all, and whatever that makes you in a bad mood, just kick them out of your lives.

If you physically can't, at least you can do it mentally. I find drawing and kicking their ass on the paper really helps. Stick figures would do. 

Someone once said, if you have a sail and a wind (for the boat), you can go anywhere you dreamt of.

Why not spread your dreams onto a piece of paper and a pen? You know reading those useless newspapers or watching TV shows or listening to your favourite song won't help. Why don't you jot down something on your paper notepad, instead of that stupid computer? That way, you feel the calmness of your soul. Worry less about others. Focus on your breathing. Go less mobile, go paper-based. :)

Finding Nemo! (aka going back to my roots)

Another hot pink season is here~ that is, our lovely winter. Haha, if you are like me, you probably won't though. In general, I do not find winter beautiful because of the cold weather; on top of that, I have a really dry skin, so the cold wind won't do anything good for me. 

But, I always keep a childhood romance on the Christmas eve. Although it is no longer an eager interest to me, it will always be a nice memory for a shy, thirteen-year-old girl.

This winter, I am going back to my home country (home, my sweet home~) after my finals. I have already contacted my friends and family there, all the more valuable since I have not seen them for more than three and a half years (even seven years counting for one of my middle school friends!).

So why does my title say, Finding Nemo aka finding my roots? I think it is one of those days that I have been quite struggling with school - or rather, my life. In Finding Nemo, I remember the difficulties along the long-awaited family reunion between Nemo and his dad. I just thought it was pretty humorous back then, because you know, cute fish and animation all that, I was all for it!
And it was a happy ending which made the overall story seem less depressing than was intended from the movie's plot and setting! 

Anyways, here I am, trying to find my roots and all myself and family stuff!
I already wrote a whole list of things that I want to discover - it will not be a boring adventure, for sure! I am also a bit excited(?)/curious about how my friendship-romance will develop when I get to see him. Or, will I ever see him? It's more like, 'I ignored your friendship and did not reach out to you ever since middle school.' Haha, but it was the same guy who told the thirteen-year-old that he wanted her to be his girlfriend - so romantic-ish.

She and he are never the same now, and have drifted apart like oil and water, but you know what? I would not be too surprised even if I do happen to see him nearby. Who knows? We might be able to rekindle our romance from eight years ago, if that is what you'd call, a fate.

Guess I am still a childish girl, eh?
But one thing is for sure: it will never outlive the past relationship period, because you know what? he was the one who changed his mind. And he would have regretted it BIG time.

I don't seem to be any more innocent like my past, but I can clearly see better that he wasn't meant for me. I am also looking forward to seeing my friends, one of whom includes my past crush from the middle school, but yeah, whatever happens, I am down for the adventure to finding my roots! 

I will keep you updated about my trip next week. :)