Write it down!

Remember the time when the teacher shouts, "this is important so write it down!!!" Yeah, seems like I actually miss one of those days...

What happened to people being honest to each other? I honestly feel like a fake person when I am at school. For example, I would always try to hold my breath, be embarrassed by my own self (especially when it comes down to my digestive problems), and make myself feel like a loser by comparing myself to another. 

I struggled, and I learned my lesson, didn't I? 

A successful person would not even complain about what they need to do right now. That is why, I am not a successful person.

I want to say, in the near future, say in 5 years, that I achieve what my parents and my people want me to be. Basically being grounded and enter the societal circles, and etc. 

After that, is my freedom. You know how people say, live your life, this is your now, and there's not a moment to waste? 

Well, being a good person and being a professional, is vital to earthly life. So this is what I'm going to do, and it is important. 

You may mock me for who I am, but you know what, it is who I am. 

Now time to clear up my own questions! :) I'll be back 5 years later... and see what this blog has gotten to!

Thursday Struggles

Today, I have been wasting precious time on the Internet. I am addicted to celebrity gossips, animes and anything obscene. How do I get out of this bad habit and continue working on my priorities using my computer? 
...Perhaps many people struggle with this to some degree. I have decided to write it down as a reminder to myself, how much have I not tried to get out of it. This is one of my real problems I deal with. 
My thought adrift, my goals are inconcrete and my life is a mess. So that is why I want to set it right, right internet?
Even I cannot try to write anything down on pen and paper anymore. Would I quit paperback books? No se. 

Pain is good sometimes, and I am immature because I do not carry on the effort part. 

Pray .  

Café

Everyone wants to return to something comfortable, be it an object or a person. Well, here I am, at a cafe, observing a young couple and a little more mature couple, spending time together over a cup of coffee. 

I guess this is how it was supposed to be, not being able to stop the time that has been relentlessly passing by. Without even noticing, I was beginning to see a lot of overlapping images of my own from these couples' movements. They can be so much in love - I could see that one of them tried to adjust to her lover's point-of-view; and that it good, unless it was unnatural for both of them.

Much was silently ignored, because I knew if I ever did reply to that text message, I would be returning to my comfort zone, and perhaps, rekindle my past love. In that aspect, today reminds me of the Little Prince, one of my favourite childhood books until now… he did not return to his rose, and no one knows the ending between them. It is my earnest wish that I would rather not contact him again, because if I did, I may never feel the same about him. 

The fictional stories of love are meaningless. Movies and tv shows, they are all stories of other people. What purpose do they serve to my private life? I have no clue. If they taught me anything, it is that I cannot move on easily. Relationships are not to be taken granted for, because it is a two person love; I am not dating myself.

Things are so much more complicated in real life; the actual feelings I have towards a certain person, it does seem very improbable to forget him/her completely out of my mind. A small hint would trigger my memory again, especially the sad ones.

For my best friend's present, I would like to buy her a nice makeup tool, or something that she’d appreciate. It is already her birthday. I still have not decided yet, but I know I can buy a nice gift bag at Sears, and donate the proceeds to ones in need! I hope I could help those in need, while I also buy a pretty bag for my friend. Why? Well, today I helped two ladies on how to use a locker in my gym, and it made me feel proud of myself. 

Came Back to Where I Belong

I wonder if this is where I belong - to live in North America. 

I wonder if I came back to the right place, or I am just lost. Plainly lost my way, and I wonder if my feelings could be put into a poetry:

To the ground I stepped, I saw yonder the familiar tower above
I stared at it as long and hard as I could 
To the lights that welcomed me, or was it a cold stare?
Things were beginning to look clear as a daylight sky
But for anything that I desire, is this the right place for me?

The long journey has come to an end,
The end of everything that I never desired
Was it just me that felt this way, I wonder in my head
The real answer does not show until you really mean it
No matter what I really feel, No one would feel it the same way

Why did I choose this path? I really cannot answer.
I once thought true love was the answer
Until I saw people are the same - they are struggling to live.
Then it must mean my journey has not ended yet
Because if it did, what meanings do my life possess?

Someone once inspired me to say that
The present is the future, what has passed becomes the past.
My words would be a past one day, and my existence would
But for the harsh world, I now understand what legacy 
Could do for myself and the loved ones around me
What I cannot endure right now, is merely going to pass
That is what I hope to be happening
Because for these harsh words, I now understand what forgiveness
Could do for myself and for myself only.