What is chastity? What is to abstain from something?
Quite a wonder to me as to chasing something or someone that I know...
Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there lived a proficient, talented soon-to-be the most beloved writer in the 18th century. His stories about daily lives of people fascinated a 21st century person who grew up in a tight, conservative country. And so, her values were strangely rather similar to his - rather, he followed his values whereas she did not. Whatever she believed in seemed to coincide to his because he was a proclaimed prodigy in literature - and a british man he is. Notwithstanding the previous facts, she read on and did not even finish what she started yet.
It took her perhaps many months/a couple of years to finish Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy. Then, you can suppose, that she was not very disciplined for patient reading nor was she a natural/passionate reader. Neither a philosopher or a deep thinker. No wonder she could not even started reading Great Expectations written by the same famous writer (You can tell why my email address is called theclassicslife).
Back to the story, she focused on 21st century things since she was a child - only computer games, messengers, and internet. She explored many things that some were quite explicit and gory. She went through stuff that other kids went for. However, her life was destined to change - undergoing many many things and thinking that even as she writes this recollection of her past, she is probably wasting her own time.
Chastity, is then, a philosophical thought mixed with personal desire to return to something pure - I think something completely unearthly, something more special.
Sometimes, too much of everything overwhelms a person. I am at crossroads once again, returning to the place that I never want to, dreaming of things that I can never achieve.
And hoping that someone will read her mind. And disappointed at her friends who are expected to be of her standard and being the most selfish being out of them; what am I to judge them? why to disappoint myself?
Have you ever felt like a knife is cutting out your heart? Perhaps never the acute feelings as the real one, but I know how a weak mind can do to one person.
Nor do I want to become self-abstained. Being an adult is like...
At least I can claim these feeling as my own genuinely.
